When it comes to music taste, homo sapiens are a difficult species to pinpoint. Different people have various ideas of what constitutes “good music” and what doesn’t, so much so that it’s nearly impossible to keep track of all the different types… until now. Through stringent qualitative analysis at Rukkus HQ, we’ve pinpointed 10 different types of music listeners. This study was performed in the name of science.
What Type of Music Fan Are You?
The following is a comprehensive list of our findings and case studies.
This breed is quite common in the continental U.S. For the purpose of exemplifying this genotype, we set two subjects in a realistic “party environment” (which I had to Google because I’ve never experienced one).
Here, Subject #1 and Subject #2 interact in a simulated attempt at courtship. Begin scene.
So, what kind of music do you listen to?
Um, I don’t know. I listen to everything.
Oh, that’s cool. So like anything in particular you like right now?
You know, like I listened to the radio today, I listen to music at bars. I just really like everything.
Right, right. Well, I really like classic rock. You like any of that stuff?
Yeah, sure! I like 90s music, rap, country sometimes, 70s rock, R&B, 80s pop, jazz, alternative…
…Are you just listing genres right now?
Jay Z, The Beatles are pretty good, Elvis, Michael Jackson, 60s folk, pop punk, Red Hot Chili Peppers…
Though tragic, hopefully Subject 1’s life was sacrificed for the sake of science.
This breed doesn’t merely enjoy hip-hop, they are possibly addicted to it. They often exhibit a powerful ability to listen to every mixtape that’s ever been released. Often, they feel an overwhelming sense of nostalgia for the “glory days” of hip-hop, and sit around hoping for the next golden age of the genre.
They’ve owned at least one Wu Tang tee during their lifespan, and if they are male, they probably watched a lot of professional wrestling as a kid. The correlation between the latter is undetermined…
Scientific opinion: Dude. We get it. You like metal. This type feels the need to profess their love for metal bands whenever they get a chance, based on the notion that metal simply doesn’t get enough respect or media coverage from the rest of us sissies. On average, they own approximately 25 albums with skulls on them. RAWRRRRRRR. Assessment completed.
The “indie” type prefers music that’s underground, which obviously, most have never heard of seeing as mainstreamers aren’t aware of it yet. Of course, the term indie once suggested a preference for bands with independent records, but now that line has become completely blurred since the arrival of the contemporary hipster.
When presented with the question of what music they enjoy, they’ll give you a specific and well considered response… right after they check Pitchfork.
A rather lively breed, the pop enthusiast simply wants to have fun at all times. To display this, we’ve compiled various situations with typical responses
Situation A: A long road trip beings.
Response: Turn up the radio and start blasting Pitbull; “Partyyyy!”
Situation B: Walking into a club.
Response: “I love this song! Let’s go dance right now!”
Situation C: “Please describe life in two words.”
Response: “Sunshine and rainbows!”
Situation D: A friend puts on a relaxing playlist.
Response: “Is this song even on the radio! Come on, let’s play some Top 40!”
The most alarming thing about this breed is not the fact that they enjoy EDM music, but that they listen to this genre in virtually any setting. They also have a strange taste for neon colors, the psychoactive substance MDMA, and fur boots that allow them to mimic ponies of some sort. Moreover, they have an apparent distaste for wearing clothing.
Here are a few examples of typical listening habits:
Activity: Writing a complex thesis paper.
Music Choice: EDM.
Activity: A long relaxing stroll through the park.
Music Choice: EDM.
Activity: A quiet get-together among close friends.
Music Choice: EDM.
Activity: A solemn drive to a funeral.
Music Choice: EDM.
Music Nerd / Snob:
Music snobs more often than not own turntables. They are incredibly geeky about music, and really possess no social lives outside of going to concerts and sitting around, gushing about the latest album they’ve heard.
They flick through LPs quickly and systematically in record stores, chortling when they find one they approve of. They are currently music bloggers, until of course, they release their own lo-fi record of acoustic guitar songs and gain a cult following.
Though their passion is admirable, they often huddle up in small groups and snicker at the less musically-inclined while drinking Cabernet and discussing the cultural context of The Smiths.
This type discovered one artist / time period of music and never looked back. They enjoy that particular niche so thoroughly that they really don’t register anything else.
In this genotype, you’ll find people who have seen Bruce Springsteen 16 times, or every Dave Matthews Band performance since 2004.
They’re the classic rock devotees, the Phish faithful, the Dead Heads, and they are never going to change, whether you like it or not.
A common admission from this type is: “I don’t particularly enjoy contemporary popular music. I prefer classical and jazz.” Of course, everything that follows a basic song structure is, ostensibly, pop music in the eyes of this brow raiser. This type attends concerts only if there will be at least one attendee drifting in and out of sleep.
For The DJ, every social event is a gig. They quickly locate the nearest audio dock and plug-in, sharing their latest mix with anyone with ears. This type oozes over the sound system at an underground club they went to in Berlin, and expresses dismay at the lack of money they have for a new MPC. They have hordes of dusty obscure electronic records from the 80s. Not familiar with any of these things? Converse with a DJ and you will be soon.
Research is continually being done to discover more breeds of music listeners, though these 10 prove quite widespread. If you’ve done your own scientific research, please share your findings in the comment section!
Article by Nicolas White